It all felt so sudden and traumatic. One minute I was with my family and part of it. The next I was alone and on my own.  With them driving off, waving goodbye and leaving me. My family had been substituted by many anonymous strangers.

All the security and love, the things that made me who I was, had gone and left me. The attachments, the touches, the sounds, everything that I had come to know and love, and be loved by, were no longer with me.

Even now, I find it difficult to use words, and to find words to describe the loss, pain and fear that I experienced then.

It didn’t seem to matter that the move to Mirfield had been discussed numerous times beforehand. I was a child, and until it became real, I viewed the move through the eyes and mind of the child that I was. The idea of the move was one of excitement and adventure. The reality was very, very different.

Looking back – especially when looking at the first term – I realise that what I was going through and feeling and experiencing was depression. I remember spending a lot of time on my own, sobbing my heart out – literally – and being totally withdrawn and existing and living in a world of my own.

My biggest fear was that, whilst I was away, everything at home would change and consequently I would not be loved by my family any more.  I needed constant reassurance that this was not happening.  And so wrote letters home every day, with either my mum or dad – usually my mum – replying to each one.

5 responses to “Depression

    • I didnt write the above post but is that you Aky boa ?..Chris Bolton.The kid with the Nesquik and asthma from Chorley?

      • peter roman now thats a name that rings a few bells .Aky Bolton ,last time I saw him he was driving a very nice mini cooper bored out to 1400 and playing a very mean fiddle.That was at one of the early reunions at Mirfield before it closed.If my memory serves me well there was more than one Chris from Chorley

        nice to hear from you

  1. I can feel your pain. Personally I was completely unaware of such things. It sure was a strange old place though. Very different from home life. As I had such a hard life at home, I was very glad of the escape that was presented to me. I struggled with my ADD, not that I knew what it was then. I still have ADD now and that, combined with my abusive home past made it very difficult for me to fit into social situations. However I did always seem to be able to find a friend or two. I was glad that there was no corporal punishment to speak of, except for the occasional “sciaffa” (slap) from Ched. There were a couple who I suspected were a bit “feminis modus” but I took that in my stride and as long as I was left alone, I couldn’t care less really. All in all I have fond memories from Mirfield.

  2. Hi Andy
    nice to see more people posting comments .All in all my time at mirfield was very positve , played an important part of my life and help make me the person I am today.
    That is why I could care less.
    Abuse of young vunerable boys has cast a shadow over my Mirfield days and I do not belive that those sorts of experiences can be taken in anyones stride.
    I believe that the order needs to right these wrongs ,distance themselves from any living perpetrators and denounce the action of those who have died.
    this would go some way to restoring faith in the order.

    thanks for the input hope that you and yours are well


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