When I wrote on the Mirfield Blog just after it began, in August 2011 I did not want readers to know my name. When I posted or commented on the blog, I wanted to be known as A Mirfield Boy – a safe name that could apply to dozens of seminarians from Mirfield.
However, a comment by another person on the blog – it was around two years ago – made me think. Why am I remaining incognito.? What have I done that is so wrong that I do not want other men, my ex seminarians, my friends – some whom I am very close to – not to know who I am?
My name is Mark Murray, and not A Mirfield Boy. Why hide? So, I ‘came out’. From then on, I was Mark Murray.
It is clear to me, why, at that specific time, I chose to be known as a Mirfield Boy – I did not want readers of the blog to know about my time at Mirfield. I was not ready to write and disclose, on the internet, some of my experiences at Mirfield.
Dealing with the distorted feelings of guilt, shame, fear and many more emotions play a part in the process that many have to confront when coming to terms with the abuse they experienced as a child. The time to talk, disclose or write has to be right; the circumstances in peoples’ lives have to be right; and those distorted feelings have to be looked at.
It can take a long time to arrive at that position. It often takes more time, energy and courage than people can muster, and hence, we have many adults that were abused as children killing themselves.
However, the Mirfield Blog, has enabled, I believe, many people that otherwise would have suffered, and felt alone, to realise that they are no longer on their own.
Numerous children that were abused, especially by religious, grow up, believing the abuse only happened to them. Unfortunately, in my experience, this only highlights and compounds their feelings of guilt and shame; with the abused believing that somehow, they must have been responsible for what happened.
It is good that the Mirfield Blog has helped many people to talk, write, discuss and think about their time at Mirfield.
The truth will come out. And for those that need others there are others there – you are not alone.
What do others think.?
Best wishes to all,
Where is the happy stuff?