It was with a very heavy heart that I learned from Danny by ‘phone message on Friday that Liam had passed away on Thursday night in Orlando. Seemingly he had a heart attack and until his sisters come back from Florida we won’t know much else.

 

I later talked with Danny and with Joe. It happened to be Danny’s 65^th birthday, so not good news on such a memorable day for him.

 

Liam was a year behind me at Mirfield and we were in the Juniors together and then into the Seniors where the vice-rectors were Ceresoli and Bano. Liam was part of that group of lads who all came from Greenock and, while Scottish, were also of Irish extraction – the last names tell it all. They all seemed to be great soccer players but Liam wasn’t a standout in that department as I remember. He could be as contrary as bedamned then and that never changed as he grew older. We used to talk about the fact that he and I had my only fist fight ever at Mirfield, I was never certain if he had others as he wouldn’t admit to any, but I have my doubts. Fr Bano separated us…..it happened in the 4^th year and had something to do with soccer as it was in the recreation room as we changed for a game. I have no idea to this day what it was about and neither did he and we have laughed about it several times when it came up, which it always did on the reunions. That incident served to make our friendship stronger in the way any two brothers will fight and we all at Mirfield had that same bond.

 

It was an amazing, long gap from 1967 to 2005 when I saw Liam again. Both of us were now bald but as soon as I saw him and he opened his mouth I knew it was Liam. He lived for the reunions, just loved them, no matter where they were he would be at every one, even though he had the greatest distance to come by many a mile. We actually started to make the reunions around his trips to the UK for his business events. Talking of his business, what an interesting one it was. Whoever would have imagined anyone could make a living out of finding keys for people?…Well Liam did.

 

He couldn’t sing to save his life but he loved the ‘sessions’ we have on reunions and would stay until the bitter end always and constantly asking for particular songs from various people. Another thing about him was his generosity. He always had his room stocked with beers, soft drinks, goodies and so on to make sure that the party would last long into the night as he hated them finishing. He loved being with the guys and never like the goodbyes. There was something there which he knew and we all knew, it was that bond, understood, unspoken and unbroken. Even though it was so many years from when we lived, schooled and played together, he, like the rest of us, knew that we had a camaraderie that could only be explained by the word brotherhood. We were brothers in all but blood and still are and will always be.

 

I said earlier that he could be contrary when he was at Mirfield and sure enough he was the same in adulthood. That contrariness though was what endeared him to all of us. We were arranging one reunion which took place in Ennis in Co Clare a few years back. We decided that on this particular one we would invite everyone to bring spouses, partners, and family if need be. Liam moaned from across the Atlantic at me saying that would never work.  It had to be just the lads, he insisted, wives, etc., would only get in the way and spoil the fun. So Danny and I discussed it and agreed we wouldn’t take our wives. What does Liam do?  He arrives proudly sporting on his arm his new fiancée. That was the contrariness in Liam. But as I said, we loved him for it and what a wonderful reunion that was in Ennis, with many a story emanating from it and almost all of them involving Liam…and that’s the truth!.

 

We will continue to have reunions and another one must come about soon as we must have one in memory of Liam. I know full well that it would be his dearest wish that we get together and remember him, talk about him and smile and laugh in our memories. Being the good ‘old Catholic boys’ that we were/are ..whatever in various cases…it probably would not suit to have a service in that direction as that is probably not what Liam would want anyway and many of us would agree with him on that score. Therefore we will remember him in a joyous reunion soon and raise a glass and sing some songs in his memory.

 

Please add your memories to this e-mail and copy everyone above and please add on other names of fellow Mirfieldonians who would remember Liam or who would remember being at Mirfeld, as there will be names I cannot remember at this moment who should be on this list.

 

RIP Liam….the memories will live long with all of us…..until we meet you again at the next reunion -J

 

Jim

 

 

In reply to tonyk4.

hello. my brother Liam Gribben lived in Florida, I never knew that he had a heart condition. He was found in his garage yesterday. waiting on coroner’s report. sisters and brother en route just now.he always enjoyed the meet-up with ‘the lads from mirfield’

In reply to degs.

hello. my brother Liam Gribben ex Mirfield died in Florida. awaiting coroner inquest. my sisters and brother are on their way today. Liam always talked about his reunions with Mirfield Lads.

 

Joe C 2.26.60.234

Joe C 2.26.60.234 I am very sad and shocked to hear about the untimely death of Liam. He was a stalwart of our reunions and I know these gatherings meant a lot to him. We will all miss him and intend to get together shortly for a special reunion in his memory. R.I.P Liam and thank you for your life and contribution to us all.

Use the  comment box below if you wish.

What Happens when the Vatican Wheels Grind to a Halt?

 

By Brian Mark Hennessy

 

(Note: Prior to the publication of this article on the Mirfield Memories site, approval was sought from the German Jesuit, Father Hans Zollner, who is quoted within the passages below. Father Zollner is a member of the Pontifical Commission for the Protection of Minors created by Pope Francis in 2014, is academic vice-rector of the Jesuit-run Gregorian University in Rome and head of its Institute of Psychology. Father Zollner has expressed his agreement to the publication of the comments attributed to him in the text of the article below.)

 

Hardly a day goes by when I do not read something hopeful from the Vatican on the issues surrounding clerical child sexual abuse. For instance, maybe one day Pope Francis says something encouraging to the press corps – then hopeful comments are issued from Vatican sources at the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith to the effect that Bishops who cover up abuse will be held accountable. On another day we hear that Cardinal O’Malley of Boston and Chair of the Pontifical Commission on Child Sexual Abuse has rebutted some lesser Vatican Official who stated that Bishops do not need to report sexual abuse to the Civil Authorities. Then a Vatican Spokesperson says that both child abuse – and the attempts to cover it up by Bishops and Religious Superiors and protect paedophile clerics from legal civil actions – is now considered actually to be a “crime” (after twenty centuries since Christ said “suffer not little children to come unto me for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven”). Now and then a Bishop is defrocked or a Cardinal is put out to grass. We might even be tempted to conclude from these utterances that the Catholic Church is in transformation. Perhaps we might one day have to concede that the Church has come a long, long way from the old days of cover up, denial, falsehood, silent stonewalling and the denigration of Victims as “money grabbing liars”. We might even have to admit that the days are gone since when their callous impulse was to give greater consideration to the protection of the criminal, paedophile clerics in their midst rather than extend a hand to the suffering Survivors of those same paedophiles’ abhorrent, indulgent and self-gratifying crimes. Sadly, such natal signals of change rarely, in practice, become hard, universal, identifiable “modus operandi” within the Catholic Church. Indeed, there is little evidence of change outside of the limited bounds of the Vatican State – and a little circumspection is required. We need to reflect a little longer before we can make such hopeful predictions. Perhaps, more accurately in practice, we are induced to believe that visible, concrete change is actually happening – whilst the only change is nothing other than the rhetoric – a form of turgid, soporific grandiloquence to dull our minds to the reality that nothing has changed at all.

 

The Jesuit, Father Hans Zollner, said something significant to our very own Mark Murray (a Comboni Survivor) just a week ago in Rome. Father Zollner, summed the  Catholic Church quite precisely when he said: “There are many churches within the Church”! This summation was acutely accurate – for whilst these days the Vatican says the right things (most of the time) – the response of the “other churches” is often either markedly different or non-existant. What else would explain the continued total lack of response by the Comboni Missionary Order to the countless allegations of abuse of child seminarians at their seminaries at Stillington, Mirfield and Elstree in the late 1950s to the early 1980s? In all some 1000 individual incidents have been enumerated – and each one was a “crime” in its own right. The apparently inscrutible Comboni Missionary Order are pathologically unable to admit, acknowledge, comment or apologise to the Victims of that horrendous endemic abuse within their establishments. They refrained from an opportunty to categorically deny, admit or comment upon the allegations within a document even before the worldwide distribution of that document in which the allegations were made in May 2015. They hold the view, it seems, that total silence allows them to hide behind the veil of a significant degree of inscrutible “unaccountability”. The closest they have ever got to admitting that the abuse (that living members of their Order are perfectly well aware of and have historically admitted) was when they were forced to respond to the British press after a civil suit against them was settled out of court. They then stated that:  “if” the abuse ever happened, it was so long ago that they do not believe that the “truth can now be established”! Well, I, for one, know the “Truth” of the abuse that happened to me because it did happen to me – as do all those other children, now men, who were similarly abused know of the “truth” of the abuse inflicted upon them. I have said to the Comboni Missionary Order before – and I repeat it here – “Truth” is not the monopoly of clerics because they wear a white collar around their necks! The Comboni Missionary Order are in denial because they are in their own little conceited, egocentric and narcissistic world – which is leagues apart from the reality of the real world.  They are in their “own little church”. That little church exists in their own little minds – and it seems that the church of their own little minds is inpenetrable and impervious even to the discourses of Popes and Vatican Congregations. Despite the Vatican’s hopeful pronouncements, the wheels of change of the Vatican wagon, if there is one, have ground to a halt and are bogged down in the mud at the gates of the Comboni Missionary Orders’ establishments at Sunningdale, Rome and Verona – and none within those gates are willing or able, it seems, to give that wagon a push over the threshold.

 

Moreover, a document highlighting the facts of this horrendous abuse at the Comboni Missionary establishments within the United Kingdom was forwarded to every Bishop in England, Wales, Scotland and Ireland – from whence the sexually abused child seminarians were offered up by hopeful parents to the care of the Comboni Missionary Order. There was not a single response from those Bishops – except one – who asked what he was supposed to do with it. Clearly, “it” was not their problem. They had their own little Church in their own little corner of Britain – and “it” was nothing to do with them. I sent a copy of the document also to the heads of all the Religious Orders in Great Britain – to the abbots, hierarchs and provincial superiors who were, likewise, overwhelmingly silent as they crept around the cloisters of their own little “other world” churches. I even sent the document to the Bishops’ Conferences throughout the world – targetting most specifically those countries where the Comboni Missionary Orders were active. Silence was the loud reply – to use a well worn phrase. Furthermore, a copy of that same document was sent to the majority of the thousand or so ordained priests of the Comboni Missionary Order. I had three responses. Two of those clerics, who admitted that they had not read the document, decried it as false. The third – just one out of the many, many hundreds of clerics of the Catholic Church, from Cardinals to lowly priests in mission countries, who were in receipt of the document – said that he had actually read the document slowly, as his English was imperfect, over a period of three hours “and he felt ashamed”. I treasure that response from that humble, enlightened Christian man because he was the only cleric I encountered who was connected to the Church of the Gospels – and he had the spiritual grace to recognise the light of the “truth” of that document. He alone had made all my efforts to inform the clerics of the Catholic Church of the immense suffering of the Comboni Survivors of child sexual abuse seem worthwhile. Eventually, at the hand of a Cardinal – whom I had long badgered into action – a copy of the document reached the Vatican Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith. That was six months ago. They have not responded – because they, most certainly, are another little church – the ramparts of which – I am on the outside.

 

As the Jesuit, Father Zollner, implied, these little churches consider themselves to be independent. I deduce that they proceed according to their own distorted sense of dignity, rules, philosophy and erroneous interpretation of the meaning of the Evangelists’ Gospels. They do not listen to nor heed what the Vatican says. They are autonomous. Thus there is no central Vatican control over their thinking and conduct. The Pope has power and influence over them in theory only – because they – within their little minded church – have decided not to be held to account by him. In practice, the Catholic Church is captainless and rudderless and constantly in tension – as all their little churches pull in different directions. Whilst the Comboni Survivors have always had a hope that the Catholic Church would eventually get a grip of the Comboni Missionary Order – I reluctantly admit that I think it never will – because the structure of the Catholic Church has shown itself to be incapable of doing so.

 

That begs the questions – what happens when the wagon wheels of the Vatican come to a halt – and what hope is there for the Comboni Survivors? The Catholic Church has failed them. There is no global, functional, just, auditable, accountable, victim-friendly, avenue open to Survivors of clerical sexual abuse within the Catholic Church – and, therefore, their only hope of a just hearing is in a constant recourse to civil action. Such action will not affect the mindset of the Comboni Missionary Order. There is no hope of that – but, ultimately, the Comboni Missionary Order should be aware that “Civil Action” will impoverish them. Indeed, that is what has happened and is continuing to happen. They know it themselves already – for the level of donations to their “mission” diminishes month by month. For further proof of the direction in which they are heading, the Comboni Missionary Order need only to look to the state of the Catholic Church in the United States. There, Catholic parish congregations are turning away from financially supporting their priests and bishops. This is the result of those clerics’ denials, their cover ups, their inaction against and protection of paedophile clerics – and their constant recourse to the justice system to avoid changes of statutes of limitations for the Victims’ civil pursuance of justice for the crimes committed. They are, as yet, unready for meaningful Christian dialogue with the Survivors of clerical Abuse – and for taking the caring steps needed to ensure that each and every victim is heard and provided with justice and closure. The dioceses of the US Catholic Church face widespread bankruptcy.

 

Eventually, financial bankruptcy will be the only lesson from which the Comboni Missionary Order will learn also. They seem to be able to cope in their little church mind with their moral bankruptcy, but their financial bankruptcy will be their turning point. Then, to rebuild their little other world empire of their minds – they will have to learn the fundamental lesson that rejecting the pleas for real dialogue with victims, denying and covering up child abuse and protecting paedophiles doesn’t pay their bills. If they don’t ever get to understand that– then they will, eventually, cease to function – and even cease to exist. Distasteful as it may seem, the Comboni Survivors will be doing the Comboni Missionary Order a favour, therefore, in terms of the eventual survival of the Order, to assist the Order in their headlong dash to a Cretaceous-like extinction at the point of financial bankruptcy. That can be achieved by the Comboni Survivors through civil legal action, continued maximum adverse publicity and other forms of direct action. One such action would be to let their donors know that the Comboni Missionary Order is spending their hard-earned weekly wages on doing everything conceivable to hide the truth of their history of child abuse, of their failure to report child abuse to the civil authorities – and their historical protection of and moving of paedophile clerics to third world mission countries where they could continue to abuse untold numbers of other innocent children unchecked. Thus, parodoxically, the Comboni Missionary Order should be grateful that, where they themselves have failed so manifestly to understand the reality of their diminishing chances of continued existance and its causes, the Comboni Survivors are willing to put considerable efforts into enforcing the lesson upon them.

 

There is a short-cut of course. The Comboni Missionary Order of Verona , Italy, can consider aligning itself to the Christian principles of the Gospels. I suggest also that, rather than remaining enclosed within that little church of their own little minds, they study the distant proclamations and principles of that other Church – the eclectic, universal, Catholic Church of Pope Francis, who was, after all, elected as their Supreme Pontiff. (It was on 13^th March 2013 – in case they missed it)! It is a Church to which they appear to have forgotten that they belong, but can I assure them it does still exist. Whilst they are at it, the Comboni Missionary Order would do well to study the ernest undertakings and pronouncements of Cardinal O’Malley who was appointed by their Supreme Pontiff to chair the Pontifical Commission for the Protection of Minors. This Vatican based Church, of which I talk, has much to say – including that the cover up of child sexual abuse and the protection of paedophile priests by Religious Superiors – both at Provincial and Curia levels – is a “crime” that warrants dismissal from the clerical state.

An article in the “National Catholic Reporter”, dated 17^th June 2016 by Father Thomas P Doyle

(Abridged and paraphrased by Brian Mark Hennessy)

 

(Dominican Fr. Thomas P. Doyle is a canon lawyer and longtime advocate for victims abused by Catholic clerics. He has givien support to the Comboni Missionary Survivors (also known as the “Mirfield 12 Group”) on many occasions and has encouraged them in their campaign for justice against the Comboni Misionary Order. Father Tom Doyle is also co-author of the 2006 book “Sex, Priests and Secret Codes: The Catholic Church’s 2,000-Year Paper Trail of Sexual Abuse.” In the article below Father Tom Doyle draws some notable conclusions from Pope Francis’ recent Apostolic Letter on Bishop Accountability)

Pope calls bishops’ negligence a crime: this is important

When it comes to holding bishops and religious superiors responsible for the cover up of clergy sex abuse, Pope Francis’ Apostolic letter of 4^th June on  ecclesial accountability is not only a distinct improvement over the proposal made a year ago to establish a tribunal to hold bishops accountable, it is possibly the most positive and hopeful signal to come out of the Vatican to date.

 

For the very first time the Catholic Church has acknowledged that

clerical sexual abuse is a crime.

 

The apostolic letter has some remarkable positive points that deserve mention:

 

• Negligence can be punished if it has hurt individuals and/or the community. It is vital that the disastrous impact on the Christian communities because of the bishops’ actions of lack thereof be acknowledged for what it is.
• The norms for removal do not demand that the pope have “moral certitude” of the culpability of the bishop. He can be removed or forced to resign for failure in the diligence required of him. This is a far cry from having to prove “grave moral culpability.” These factors can go a long way in eliminating the possibility of lengthy litigation or protracted appeals which many feared would be the undoing of a tribunal process.

The U.S. bishops were criticized for not including superiors of religious communities under the Dallas Charter and Essential Norms: The pope plugged that hole in his Apostolic Letter – making it clear that major religious superiors, that is, provincials and superiors general, can also be subjected to this process.

 

• Unilateral removal is now a distinct reality and distinguishes between removal and an “invited” resignation. Victims, survivors and others have rightly criticized this pope because, rather than removing several U.S. bishops who were blatantly guilty of dereliction of duty, he allowed them to resign or retire. Everyone knew what was really happening yet it served as an insult to the victims and others so gravely wounded by these prelates’ intentional actions.

 

Looking at the bishops’ and popes’ histories one would be hard pressed to see this since the deeply engrained clerical narcissism has made it nearly impossible for the ecclesiastical leadership to see the “problem” and the victims from any other perspective than their own.

Critics of this letter and last year’s tribunal plan claim that the pope already has the authority to remove bishops at will. This is true. He can remove a bishop (and a Religious Leader) or to force his resignation without any kind of process and without giving a reason. Bishops are freely appointed by the pope and just as freely removed. Canon 1389 of the Code refers to abuse of authority and negligence in office. The actions of scores of bishops and cardinals clearly fall within the parameters of this canon.

What is so special about this latest development is the acknowledgement that the negligent and irresponsible actions of many bishops (and Religious Leaders) were willful and potentially criminal. This is a mind-blowing change from the past where every effort was made to protect and exonerate the bishops above every other consideration.

The change in attitude is radical and had to have been inspired by a source other than the Vatican curia. That source has to have been, without a doubt, the Pontifical Commission for the Protection of Minors. The commission has been insisting that accountability of bishops is of top priority. Calling bishops (and Religious Leaders) on the carpet for neglecting to act properly in the face of sexual abuse by clerics has not only been a top demand from victims and non-victims the world over but it has been a demand that has been actively stone-walled since the crisis first became publicly known over 30 years ago.

 

A clear example of the deep-seated hypocrisy that remains is the opposition of U.S. bishops in several states to changes in state legislation that would be more favorable to victims of sexual assault. The archbishops of New York (Cardinal Timothy Dolan and Philadelphia (Charled Chaput)  are leading the other bishops in their respective ecclesiastical provinces in vicious battles to prevent any change that would benefit all sex abuse victims. At the same time, these bishops are making public statements about how they support victims of sex abuse.

 

The duplicity and dishonesty of these and other prelates is blatantly obvious to all. Yet there has been no Vatican intervention to tell them to cease and desist.

 

NCR columnist Michael Sean Winters wrote “The document helps confront the last, critical piece of the puzzle in any effective strategy to confront the scourge of sex abuse: episcopal accountability.” He is correct, but only to a limited degree. Thus far all the steps taken by bishops and popes have been administrative — promulgation of more protocols and processes. At first these were aimed exclusively at the clergy abusers but now the pope has set his sights on the bishops. That the papal sights should have been on the bishops since the problem surfaced goes without saying.

However, the last critical piece is not administrative or judicial. It is deeply attitudinal.

The most glaring and scandalous deficiency has been the almost complete lack of papal and episcopal leadership in the compassionate and pastoral care of the countless victims world-wide whose lives have been so deeply wounded not only by the sexual abuse itself, but by the dishonest, uncaring and destructive manner with which victims have generally been treated by the official church.

It will take more than papal pronouncements to bring about the changes in direction that are essential. It will take a fundamental change in attitude and this will not be evident as long as the hierarchy still believes that the church is a stratified society with the bishops on top and the vast majority of believers on the bottom, whose only duty, according to Pope Pius X, is to obey and docilely follow the bishops.

Taking actions against bishops (and Religious Leaders) is crucial. Yet it is equally vital to look deeply into the nature of the church and the meaning of priesthood to uncover the causal factors for the disastrous way the institutional church and the hierarchy have consistently and systematically mishandled this nightmare. To do so would mean taking very great risks because not too deeply beneath the surface the bishops and the church’s governmental system would have to deal with the toxic virus of clericalism. Pope Francis has clearly projected a fundamental attitudinal change with his remarks and actions that openly take on clericalism, a disease that has held the church captive for centuries.

ENDS

Hell, Hope and Healing – Final Part

 

(Note: Mary Gail Frawley-O’Dea is the author of “Perversion of Power: Sexual Abuse in the Catholic Church” and a psychologist who has been working with sexual abuse survivors for 30 years. In the American Catholic Journal entitled the “National Catholic Reporter”, (which can be accessed on-line at NCRonline.org.), Mary Gail Frawley-O’Dea has published four parts of an article entitled “Hell, Hope and Healing”. Mary has stated: “I am grateful to the National Catholic Reporter for publishing this series. By doing so, it has opened doors to the field hospitals that Francis wants us to staff in our churches and has hung a red cross on the doors of NCR. For me, it is tremendously rewarding to offer a psycho-educational series on ACEs that may raise consciousness and that provides resources for the many readers who have experienced ACEs or who know others who have. I have been so privileged to accompany ACE survivors on healing journeys. My work has changed my life, imbuing with it grace, hope and awe for the resilience of the human spirit”).

 

(This parapharse of the final part of Mary’s article has been posted on the Mirfield Memories site by Brian Mark Hennessy. It should be noted that a number of aspects of this article relate specifically to the United Staes of America, but the information is none the less valuable):

 

When someone decides to embark on healing from adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), and/or when concerned loved ones of a survivor want to help that person begin to heal, it can be confusing to know how to start. This last article in the series focuses on finding the best healing resources. It is a slice of all the resources available to someone and does not represent either endorsement or rejection of any particular source. Many of the resources listed here provide links to still other sources of information or help.

 

First Responders

 

The sad truth is that abusive families or institutions are unlikely ever to consistently put the interests of children before their own, no matter how many laws are passed or promises made.

 

We are the best hope of preventing child abuse and responding to it quickly when it occurs.

If enough of us believe that every child is our child, that we are responsible for the safety of every child we know, we can be the most effective instruments of change. If we believe, with Pope Francis, that churches are field hospitals, then we are the nurses, paramedics, doctors and, of course, the patients in our own communities. Any one of us can pick up the phone at any time if we know or suspect a child is being abused or neglected. It’s anonymous and it is the right thing to do. Use it if you know or suspect that a priest, a teacher, a bus driver, your best friend’s husband, your next-door neighbor or, yes, your own Uncle Louie is abusing or neglecting a child. There are no good excuses not to call. You can save a life and even a soul.

 

Choosing a therapist

It can be a daunting task to begin looking for a therapist to assist in the journey of recovery from sexual abuse or other ACEs. It may be difficult to know what to ask, what not to ask, what are generally appropriate treatment parameters, etc. Since it is important to work with someone you trust, as well as someone you “click” with, the following guidelines may be helpful.

 

Consultations:

You are looking for another human being whom you can trust to guide you through the sometimes treacherous shoals of recovery from ACEs. You have both the right and the responsibility to gather data to help you make a good decision. It is not unusual for someone to have one consultation session with at least three therapists before choosing someone with whom to work. Most therapists will charge for a consultation, and it is money well spent to be sure you make a choice that is healthy for you.

 

What to ask at a consultation:

In addition to being a person in need, you are a consumer. Again, you have the right and the responsibility to ask a potential therapist enough questions to get a sense of the way he/she works and how comfortable you are talking with him/her. Ask about the therapist’s years of experience. How many years has this person practiced as a psychiatrist, psychologist, clinical social worker or other kind of mental health professional? Are they licensed in the state in which they practice? Ask about the therapist’s trauma training. What specific training and/or supervision has the therapist had in working clinically with abuse survivors? Until the 1980s, there was little formal training available in trauma. Since then, many academic programs and postgraduate institutes have added trauma courses. Other therapists have sought out seminars, conferences and supervision with clinicians more experienced with sexual abuse survivors.

 

 

Personal therapy:

Most clinicians feel it is imperative to have gone through their own therapy before or during their professional careers. Some postgraduate programs require that the therapist be in treatment during training. Some people disagree with me, but I think it is a fair question to ask a potential therapist if they themselves ever have been in treatment. It is not fair to expect the therapist to talk about how long they were in therapy or for what reasons. Most therapists also will not say if they themselves were abused, at least until well into treatment, if at all, and this is appropriate boundary setting.

 

Approach to therapy:

This can be a little tough to answer, but you can ask a therapist how they generally work. What do they think is important in therapy: changing behaviors, changing beliefs, identifying how past relationships continue to be played out unconsciously in the present? Are they active therapists who engage in a “conversation” or are they quieter, speaking mostly to make interpretations? There are no right or wrong answers here, but the responses help you get a feel for what it might be like to work with this person.

 

Therapeutic frame:

What is the therapist’s cancellation policy? It is not unusual for a therapist to charge for missed sessions depending on the circumstances, and insurance cannot be billed for those sessions. What is the person’s policy regarding between-session contact if you are having a difficult time? Is the therapist available for more than one session per week if you need it? What is the fee, and how does the therapist expect to be paid? For instance, some therapists collect only the copay from insured patients and wait for insurance to pay them the rest. Others want to be paid in full and let you collect the insured portion of the fee. Again, there is no right or wrong, but it’s good to know ahead of time.

 

Psychiatric referrals:

Does the therapist work with a psychiatrist who is also knowledgeable about trauma and to whom the therapist can refer you if medication is needed? Don’t be surprised if it is needed. Many survivors of sexual abuse greatly profit from antidepressants, anti-anxiety agents or mood stabilizers for various periods. One has to suffer to recover but not beyond what is necessary to do the work of therapy. Medication often allows someone to make better use of treatment and recover more quickly. We know now that trauma affects the brain, not just the psyche. The new medications help a lot.

 

Limits of confidentiality:

Review the limits of confidentiality with your potential therapist. All therapists will break confidentiality if you are a lethal threat to yourself or someone else. In those cases, the therapist must do everything possible to protect your life and/or the life of another person. If you tell the therapist that a child is being abused, by you or by anyone else, he/she must report it. If you are in litigation, you should know that your therapist’s records and/or sworn testimony legally can be subpoenaed. The therapist can argue client privilege, but if ordered by a judge to comply with the subpoena, she/he can be held in contempt of court for not going along. Beyond those limitations, the contents of your sessions and any other information about you should be held in confidentiality by therapist. In no cases, beyond these mentioned, should a therapist share information about you or your treatment without your written and very specific permission.

 

ENDS

 

If any Comboni Survivor recognises the impacts of adverse childhood experiences in this series of articles and feels that he needs professional assistance, then they may contact Mark Murray on this site who will strive to assist by suggesting appropriate counselling services. Alternatively, Survivors of childhood abuse in the United Kingdom can seek the assistance of their local General Practitioner Doctor who will be able to refer them to an appropriate specialist. The following Organisations within Great Britain welcome contacts from all those in need of help to overcome the impacts of many forms of abuse and neglect. This site makes no specific recommendation, but persons seeking help are advised (without any liability of this site) to consider contacting any of the following organisations as appropriate to their needs:

 

Reporting Abuse as a first Responder in the United Kingdom – always call the Police on the 999 emergency Police number or the 101 non-emergency Police number.

 

Alcoholics Anonymous (GB) : help@alcoholics-anonymous,org.uk or Tel 0800 9177 650

 

UK National Drugs Helpline: 0800 77 66 00

 

Drug Wise: Twitter @DrugWise UK, or Tel 077121 52 99 36, or harry@drugwisw.org.uk

 

Drug Rehabilitation: info@openmindsrehab.com or Tel 01978 312 120 (daytime) or 07736 248 851 (nights)

 

Narcotics Anonymous UK helpline: 0300 999 1212

 

Lifeline heloline: 0161 839 2054

 

NSPCC – Action for Children: Help@nspcc.org.uk

 

NSPCC – Adult Callers: 0808 800 5000, Childline 0800 1111

 

National Helpline: help@stopitnow.org.uk or Tel 0808 1000 900

 

NAPAC Supporting Recovery from Childhood Abuse: info@napac.org.uk

 

  Survivors Trust : 0808 801 0818

 

National Suicide Prevention Samaritans UK & ROI  Hotline: +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90 (UK – local rate) Hotline: +44 (0) 8457 90 91 92 (UK minicom) Hotline: 1850 60 90 90 (ROI – local rate) Hotline: 1850 60 90 91 (ROI minicom) Website: samaritans.org E-mail Helpline: jo@samaritans.org

 

Survivors UK, Unit 1, Queen Anne Terrace, Sovereign Court, The Highway, London E1W 3HH: info@survivorsuk.org

 

 

Rape Crisis England and Wales: rcewinfo@rapecrisis.org.uk

 

Mind – the Mental Health Charity for those who have suffered Sexual Abuse:

Adult Helpline 0844 847 7879, Parent and child helpline 1800 155 1800

 

Bishops’ Conference of Scotland Catholic Safeguarding Organisation: tcampbell@scottishcatholicsafeguarding.org.uk

 

 

National Office for Safeguarding children in the Catholic Church in Ireland, St Patrick’s College, Maynooth, Co. Kildare: ann.doyle@safeguarding.ie and teresa.devlin@safeguarding.ie

 

 

Safeguarding Board for Northern Ireland: sbnisupport@hscni.net

 

 

Tusla – Child and Family Agency, Brunel Building, Heuston South Quarter, Dublin, Republic of Ireland: info@tusla.ie

 

 

The Church’s Child Protection Advisory Service: info@ccpas.co.uk

 

 

Terence McKiernan, Bishop Accountability Organisation: terry@bishop-accountability.org and ann@bishop-accountability.org

 

United Kingdom Childrens’ Helplines  There-4-Me Childline UK – 0800 1111 Muslim Youth Helpline – 0808 808 2008 Childline Scotland – 0800 44 1111 NSPCC: English – 0808 800 5000 Welsh – 0808 100 2524 Bengali – 0800 096 7714 Gujurati – 0800 096 7715 Hindi – 0800 096 7716 Punjabi – 0800 096 7717 Urdu – 0800 096 7718  Breathing Space – 0800 838587 Connexions – 080 800 13 2 19 Brimingham Space – 0800 072 5070  Samaritans – 08457 90 90 90 Runaway Helpline – 0808 800 70 70 Careline – 0181 514 1177 Youth 2 Youth – 020 8896 3675 Girls Space – 0800 072 5070 Get Connected – 0800 808 4994 Support Line – 020 8554 9004 Muslim Youth Helpline – 0808 808 2008

 

Survivors of sexual abuse living in the United States of America and Canada are advised, (without any liability of this site), to consider making contact with the following help organisations and professionals who are able to assist…..

 

Alcoholism: Alcoholics Anonymous meetings exist throughout the world and the doors are always open to newcomers. Start here to find a meeting in your area: www.aa.org/pages/en_US/find-local-aa. Once you get comfortable, look for a sponsor who honors your trauma background. If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, start here to find local Al-Anon or Alateen meetings: al-anon.org/find-a-meeting.

 

Other substance abuse: Narcotics Anonymous meetings also are held in many places. Start here to find a meeting: www.na.org/meetingsearch.

 

Childhelp: A resource about child abuse and neglect for kids, parents and teachers is at www.childhelp.org.

 

International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation: a resource for professionals and the public. Its website includes a “find a therapist” link here: www.isst-d.org/default.asp?contentID=18.

 

International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies: Though primarily a resource for professionals, it does offer a “Find a Clinician” link at www.istss.org/find-a-clinician.aspx.

 

MaleSurvivor.org: This is, in my opinion, the best resource available for male sexual abuse survivors. It is directed by clinicians, survivors, academics, researchers and advocates who serve for limited terms. MaleSurvivor.org offers recovery weekends, a great reading list, resources for finding a therapist, safe chat rooms for survivors, and more.

 

Mental Health America: an advocacy and support agency with local affiliates all over the country (www.mentalhealthamerica.net). It offers a wealth of information about mental health issues and can help you find local affiliates and other mental health resources. They also have online mental health screenings that help individuals and loved ones get a sense of what mental health issue they may be confronting.

 

National Center on Elder Abuse: As more people are living longer, elder abuse is becoming a greater national problem. This group (www.ncea.aoa.gov) has online resources about elder abuse. Their elder care locator will help you find the local agency to whom to report elder abuse: eldercare.gov/Eldercare.NET/Public/Index.aspx or 800-677-1116.

 

National Domestic Violence Hotline: Resources for survivors and individuals in current domestic violence situations, including abusers: 800-799-SAFE, or www.thehotline.org.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: A 24/7 resource for anyone thinking about suicide and for friends and relatives concerned about a loved one: 800-273-TALK, or www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.

 

RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network): RAINN is a good resource for those who have been sexually assaulted as adults or as young people: rainn.org/get-information.

Sidran Traumatic Stress Institute: Sidran’s website offers a host of information for survivors and for loved ones (www.sidran.org/resources/for-survivors-and-loved-ones), an extensive reading list (www.sidran.org/resources/essential-readings-in-trauma) and links to many other resources (www.sidran.org/resources/links).

 

Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests: SNAP (www.snapnetwork.org) is an effective social justice advocacy organization that works to prevent child sexual abuse, especially by clergy.

 

SNAP Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests, PO Box 6416, Chicago, IL 60680-6416: davidgclohessy@gmail.com

 

 

SNAP USA: snap.dorris@gmail.com and bdorris@SNAPnetwork.org

 

Terence McKiernan, Bishop Accountability Organisation: terry@bishop-accountability.org and ann@bishop-accountability.org

 

Voice of the Faithul, Boston USA: office@votf.org

 

United States of America Childrens’ Helplines: National Runaway Switchboard– 1-800-621-4000, Childhelp USA – 1800 422 4453, Covenant House – 1800 999 9999

 

 

List of International Helplines for our Worldwide Readers

 

Europe

Albania Child Helpline- +355 4 2308 20

CISMAI Italian Network of Agencies against Child Abuse: segreteria@cismai.org

Save the Children Italy: info@savethechildrenitaly and info@crin.org

Save the Children –Brussels, Geneva & Addis Ababa advocacy offices: info@savethechildren.be, geneva.info@savethechildren.org and fwandabwa@savechildren.org

CBM Christian Child Protection: contact@cbm.org and press-international@cbm.org

GESPCAN German Society for the Prevention of Child Abuse and Neglect: library@nationalcac.org

 

ISPCAN The International Society for the Prevention of Child Abuse and Neglect: ispcan@ispcan.org

Austria Telefonhilfe fur Kinder und Jugendliche – 147

Belgium Kinder- en Jongerentelefoon Vlaanderen VZW – 0800 15 111 ChildFocus – 110, Ecoute Enfants – 103 Bosnia and Herzegovina  Udruzenje roditelja tesko bolesne djece u BiH CLL line – 00387 65 341 298  

Bulgaria National Hotline for Children  – +359 2 981 93 00 

Croatia Hrabri telefon (Brave Phone)– 0800 0800

Cyprus Hotline for missing children – 116 000

Czech Republic The Safety Line – 800 155 555

Denmark BørneTelefonen (Children phone) – 35 55 55 55

Estonia Patient groups – 126., AIDS helpline – 645 5555, NGO Lifeline – CONFIDENCE WHEN LIFE TÜDINUILE – 655 8088 or 1707, “Psychology Crisis intervention” NGO Lifeline (Prof. Psychologists) – 631 4300, YOUNG LINE CHAT – 646 1111, Tallinn Family Centre -6556 088 Finland, Child and Youth Phone – 0800 120400

France, Allo Enfance Maltraitee  – 119

Germany, Kinder- und Jugendtelefon Nummer ggen Kummer e.V.  – 0800 111 0333 Greece, Hamogelo – 1056

Hungary, Kek Vonal – 06 80 505 000

Iceland, RedCross– 1717

Ireland, Child Line – 1800 666 666 Italy, SOS il Telefono Azzurro-19696

Latvia, Child Helpline – 800 9000 or 116111

Lithuania, Childline – 8 800 11111

Luxembourg, 12345 Kanner- Jugendtelefon – 12345

Macedonia, SOS Helpline for Children and Youth – +389 2246 6588

Malta, Supportline – 179 

Netherlands, Landelijk Overleg Kindertelefoon – 0800 0432

Norway, Røde Kors telefonen for barn og ungdom (Red Cross Helpline) – 0800 33 321

Poland, Helpline.org.pl – 800 100 100

Portugal, SOS Criança– 27 793 16 17 / 800 20 26 51

Spain, Fundación ANAR – 900 20 20 10 Sweden, BRIS – 0200 230 230 Switzerland, 147 Telephonhilfe fur Kinder und Jugendliche – 147

Serbia, NAcionalna DEcija Linija- NADEL Srbija – 0800123456

Slovakia Linka detskej istoty: 1116 111, www.ldi.sk (child helpline) Hľadané deti: 116 000 (missing and sexually abused children)

Slovenia, Tom National Telephone Network – 080 1234 Turkey, ALO – 183 Ukraine, The Odessa Samaritans Peer Line – 482 221 744

Asian Continent

Armenia Child Protection Hotline – +3741240150 or 240160

Azerbaijan ETIMAD Sumgayit – 23131

Belarus Smorgon Information Centre on children rights education/SICCRE  – +375 1592 33 129

National helpline for domestic violence victims – 8-801-100-8-801

Brunei Helpline Kebajikan – 141  or+673 238 0664;+673 238 0667;+673 238 0668 

Hong Kong, Against Child Abuse Hotline – +852-27551122

Iran, The Helping voice – +98-21-850 1414 or +98-21-850 1415

Kazakhstan, Child Helpline – 150

Korea, South, Hot Line 1391 / Rescue Line for Children – 1577 or 1391, Youth Hotline – 1388 

Mongolia, Friends 1979 – 1979

Nepal, Child Workers in Nepal – 427 1000 Pakistan, Madadgaar Children and Women Help Line – 111 911 922

Russia, Hotline for Children, Teenagers and Parents (Magadan) – +7 41322 20878, Moscow Childline – +7 095 735 8484, Teenage social-psychological support (Tomsk) – +7 83822 244442

 

SE Asia & Asia Pacific Region

 

National Association for the Prevention of Child Abuse and Neglect Australia: contact@napcan.org.au., SNAP Australia: snapspaner@gmail.com, Australia Kids Help Line – +61 7 1800 55 1800

 

New Zealand Safeguarding Organisation: admin@safeguardingchildren.org.nz

New Zealand, The Kids Help Foundation Trust  – 0800 942 8787, Youthline Charitable Trust  – 0800 376 633, Kidsline – 0800 543 754

 

India, Childline India Foundation -1098

Indonesia, TESA – 129 

Japan Childline Support Center Japan (NPO) – 0120-99-7777

Philippines, Bantay Bata 163 – 163

Philippines Save the Children: Address: Supporter Care team Midland Building, 1040 EDSA, Magallanes Village, Makati City 1232 Call us: Please call (02) 851-3702 or (02) 853-2142, Fax us: Send us a fax on (02) 853-0215

For volunteer and internship:Volunteer.PH@savethechildren.org

Singapore, Tinkle Friend – 1800 2744 788

T’ai-wan, 113 woman and children protection helpline– 113

Thailand, Saidek – 1387

Vietnam, Childline – 1800 1567

 

 

Near East and Africa

 

SASPCAN South African Society for the Prevention of Child Abuse and Neglect: admin@childlinesa.org.za

ANPPCAN African Network for the Prevention of Child Abuse and Neglect (Uganda & Ethiopia) regional@anppcan.org

Enfants Solidaires d’Afrique et du Monde: info@esamsolidarity.org

Botswana, Childline Botswana- 0800 3900 900

Egypt Hotline for Children – 16000

Gambia 199 Helpline – 199

Israel, L.O./Combat violence against women – 09952 8927 Jordan, 110 for Families and Children – 110

Kenya, Chidline- 116

Namibia, Lifeline/Childline Namibia – 926461226894

Nigeria, Human Development Initiatives – 0806 353 1872

Palestine, Sawa Child Protection Helpline – 121 

South Africa, Childline SouthAfrica – 08000 55555 Senegal, Centre GINDDI – 800 88 88

Uganda, 0800 111 222

 Zimbabwe, Childline – 961

Yemen, YMHA – 236622

 

Caribbean, Central and South America

 

Antigua & Barbuda Friends Hotline Antigua and Barbuda – 800 4357

Argentina 102 Childhelpline – 102

Brasil TECA – +55 21 2589 5656, 123Alô! – +55 21 2197-1500 

Chile Fono Infancia – 800 200 818

Colombia Telefono Amigo – 106

Costa Rica LÃnea Cuenta Conmigo– +506 800 2244-911 Dominican Republic Linea Telefonica para Auxilio – 538-6151

Jamaica, Friends Hotline – +1-888-991-4505 or 977 5754 Mexico, Acercatel – 01800 110 10 10

Panama, Tu Linea – 147

Paraguay, FONO Ayuda – 559 200 or 147 Peru, Fundación ANAR – +51 0800 22210 Trinidad & Tobago, Childline – 800 4321 ot 131

Uruguay, Linea Azul Servicio Telefónico – 800 50 50