Boy X – It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault

Comboni Missionaries Abuse

In his last post, Boy X, who had been terribly sexually abused by FatherJohn Pinkman and who was psychologically terrorised by Father Ceresoli (now Bishop Ceresoli) said the reason he remains anonymous is:-

“I sometimes wonder what my friends thought of me. I never told any of them what was going on. I was too ashamed to do that. I still feel shame and that’s the main reason I’ve always writen anonymously. I think I may have eventually said who I am but I wrote about what I was doing in London.

“How do I tell my friends I did that? I can’t. I wish I had never writen it.”

Evil Missionari Comboniani

Boy X, let me tell you what they would say. They would be sympathetic. Their blame (and horror) would all go onto the Comboni Missionaries, to Father John Pinkman and all those up to the highest level of the order who covered it up and are covering it up now.

I know!

At the time, we all thought that it was just happening to us. I only discovered a few months ago that it was also happening to me best freind there at the time. Neither of us told each other.

Comboni Missionaries Reunion Old Boys

At a reunion, organised by ourselves in 2006, we started talking about the abuse and it was clear that more than haf of those who were present had been abused by Fr Pinkman and / or Father Domenico Valmaggia.

I’ll bet that the same thing was happening to one, or more, of your friends. Few stayed out of the clutches of both of these evil men.

To help expose the Comboni Missionaries, and to help others, I decided to waive the anonymity that I am legally entitled to and allow my name to be used in The Observer, the Liverpool Echo and my local paper in Scotland, the Greenock  Telegraph.

Clerical Sexual Abuse

With the last one, especially, I was very nervous about the reaction of people – even my family, who didn’t know.

The response was overwhelmingly postive to me and there was complete revulsion towards the Comboni Missionaries.

No one blames the 11-14 year old boy. All blame the adult priests and those who have continued to cover up their crimes.

Not Your Fault

Legally, it’s not yor fault Boy X. I ‘ve checked with my barrister sister on this.

Also, morally, it is not yoru fault either.

You are blaming yourself, Boy X when you shouldn’t.

You say that you are ashamed of what you have done.

You shouldn’t!

Goodwill Hunting

I don’t know if you, or other readers, have seen the film Goodwill Hunting. In it, the character Matt Damon had an abusive foster father and was screwed up and angry (as well as bing very bright).

The character played by Robin Williams was charged with getting inside him to help rid him of his demons. It was proving difficult till this short scene. I strongly recommend you watch it ,Boy X, and other readers.

Goodwill Hunting – It’s Not Your Fault

Boy X, it’s true!

It’s not your fault!

It’s not your fault!

You’re one o fus now. You’re one of a community. We didn’t avoid it either.

What happened later was becasue of it. Two evil men destroyed your self esteem.

Freedom Time

It’s time to free yourself, to free yourself from the prison you built yourself inside your mind becasue of the abuse you suffered from evile men.

It’s time to open the prison door on those parts of your character that you locked away 50 years ago. The only person keeping them inside is yourself.

Come on, Boy X. Open those doors and let them out.

There’s no shame attached to you.

It’s not your fault!

It’s not your fault!

Read By X’s story by Clicking on Boy X’s Story

Boy X, it’s THEIR fault!

It’s ALL their fault!

Comboni Missionaries Blog has Helped Me Recover

Comboni Missionaries

This was written by Boy X who has contributed previous articles about his abuse.

I would just like to say a few things about the blog. The last time I had something posted on the Comboni Missionaries blog was at Christmas. I said that I didn’t know if I had moved forward or not. I was feeling very low, Christmas does that to me,

Since then,I have realised that moving forward doesn’t mean I should feel any happier or content. Maybe, sometimes, the road to salvation really is through hell and I probably will feel a lot worse before things can get better.

St Peter Claver College, Roe Head, Mirfield

I still am very confused about everything but recently I decided to ask for help. I’ve seen a psychological wellbeing practitioner and I’m being refered on to someone who will help me. For the first time in my life I have told someone,face to face, what happened to me at Mirfield.

So I have moved forward and I’m only where I am now because of the Comboni Missionaries blog. Coming across the blog enabled me to say, albeit anonymously, what I experienced at Mirfield and how those experiences affected my life.

The blog led me to talking over the phone with Mark Muray who has helped me tremendously. From not being able, all my life, to even think about Mirfield, I have now got to the stage where I have hope – hope of not being too frightened of my memories, hope that confusion will turn to some sort of ordered thought, hope that there is some light at the end of it all.

Father John Pinkman and Bishop Lorenzo Ceresoli

My memories do frighten me. I can see the face and feel the presence of Fr. Pinkman clearly, as clearly as if he was in my life right now. I can see Father Ceresoli clearly too (now Bishop Ceresoli),

They are in my life. I said my goodbye to Fr.Pinkman but he has never left me. I need to be able to step away from them.

I also see the faces of my friends at Mirfield. They comfort me. I feel I can never let go of them. They matter to me.

The logical part of my mind tells me they are long in the past, but I know how real they are. I see them every day.

Click on Comboni Missionaries – They still control me. I’m still at Mirfield

Comboni Missionaries Other Names

They are known in English-speaking countries as the Comboni MIssionaries (ex-Verona Fathers), in Italy as Missionari Comboniani, in Spanish-speaking countries as Misioneros Combonianos, in German-speaking countries as Comboni-Missionare and in Portuguese-speaking countries as Missionarios Combonianos.

See Boy X – My Last Goodbye to Pinkman