My mum died three years ago. My dad died, in 1981, not long after I came back from Uganda, where I worked for a couple of years as a Verona Brother.

If my mum and dad were alive today, and, if, they had become aware of the Mirfield abuse that took place – not only in the 1970’s, but also, as it now seems, throughout the 1960’s – they would feel totally betrayed, devastated and saddened in a way that words, from me , cannot begin to describe.

There are men, I am communicating with, that tell me they are unable to ‘go public’ about their experience at Mirfield, because, either, one or both of their parents are still alive. It would be too difficult for their parents to comprehend and accept what their children experienced. Their parent’s pain would be enormous. They prefer, therefore, to remain silent “until they have died”

People often ask, why those that were being abused did not report the abuse, or at least talk to their family about what was happening to them, why wait decades before they talk?
It can be a monumental and courageous task, to talk about the abuse suffered, and even more, I believe, to write about it on the internet. It can take years and years to come to that position. I hope the blog gives, those people, that have not been able to talk or write about what they experienced at Mirfield, the message of support, solidarity and courage, and more importantly the knowledge that they are not alone.

Thanks,

Mark Murray

I sat down tonight to post some of my thoughts but I was astounded by the latest post by Fr Charles Ramsey .What can I say? .
I have met Fr Charles briefly on the seafront at Llandudno and Mark had spoken to me of his help and friendship over the past few years. To be honest I had thought that these were token gestures. How could a local parish priest, who had only known Mark and his family for a relatively short time, give such genuine support and understanding when the order that we were all part of have done the reverse.
Damage limitation has been the order of the day , no admissions just denial, lay fault anywhere except on your own doorstep.
The abused need to be believed !! , for once they are, then and only then will the abuse end. On the grape vine (yes it works both ways ) I have heard that the order think that the abused are driven by the hope of financial compensation. I have come to the conclusion that the inaction of the order ,the reluctance to talk is driven to protect their own material wealth.
From my understanding the abused sought only closure. The inaction of the order has forced the issue ,once the ball starts to roll it must run its course.
Fr Charles you cannot imagine the effect you post will have and I myself owe you an apology. You are indeed a man of principle I wish you all the best.

Kevin Deignan

I hope you dont mind an outsider writing into your blog, maybe especially since I am a priest, Mark Murray’s local priest in fact. Mark introduced me to your blog.

Reading your entries has brought me great sadness and anger, and also shame at the priesthood to which I belong, and also deep powerlessness at my inability to help address these issues other than in small ways. And this by no means for the first time, I must add. But also I’m very aware that these feelings are nothing compared to what many of you have experienced, and at a very tender and innocent age. It must surely take some courage to write as you’ve been doing. I have to say what you guys have been writing has also made me increasingly aware of the privilege it’s been to have walked alongside Mark and to have shared his journey over four years. Mark’s courage and humility in sharing his pain and seeking an apology is, to me, deeply impressive. As a priest I’ve met over thirty-two years many people carrying pain but and it always inspires me to meet those who have carried pain and huge disruption of life with dignity, balance and great courage, as Mark does and, from what I’m reading, as so many of you alongside him seem to do. During my life I’ve listened to several people who have suffered at the hands of people who exploit and abuse vulnerable people sexually, and I’m sure this is why I could more easily receive and understand Mark’s experiences.

I’m writing to express solidarity, if this is acceptable to you, (and I will understand if it isn’t.) It’s terrible to me that people treated this way should feel alone in their predicament as some of you have stated on the blog. This isn’t simply about individual predators slipping into an otherwise saintly church. For me its about a church culture which fails to perceive and address its own systems which blindside us to what’s going on – clericalism for example, and the puerile way sexuality is dealt with and the lack of real dialogue. I’m also writing to express my shame in regard to the examples of terrible behaviour and cover-up in the Church I represent and my deep regret at what has happened for all of you. Finally, I’m writing to offer my support, if this is relevant. These evils will keep occurring as long as we suppress painful truths. I believe we need to understand the causes and shape of this evil.

Mark came to ask my help towards seeking an apology from the Verona/Comboni Fathers four years ago. All he was asking of them was the acknowledgment of the pain and hurt caused by the way various Verona/Comboni priests used their seminarians as sexual objects when you were all young , innocent and vulnerable boys preparing to become priests. From this he hoped for some resolution and maybe a liberation which might come with acknowledgment – so crucial for healing. Hence I recall, even though well aware of the realities of this issue in the church, being shocked and angered, time after time, at the variety and shape of the brick walls Mark and I have met up with. Both society and church suppress their dark sides – but as one of you observed – this is distinctively different and much more crucial when it happens in the Church.

Thanks for your blog. It’s an important document – please keep it going.

There are numerous people all over the world following this blog.

The Mirfield Memories Blog, I believe, has been a massive opening for many ‘Mirfield Men’ to understand, and to share, their Mirfield experiences, both good and bad, with others.

For many seminarians from Mirfield, it has given them an opportunity to write about their time at Mirfield, and to explain and talk about the effect it has had upon them. And yet, the comments and postings on the blog, do not equate with the numbers that follow it.

I know why that is – the same way that most people, I suspect do – and yet, part of me still looks forward and hopes that it will change. There must be a Verona Father/ Brother, who has the guts, the strength, and more importantly, ‘The Faith’ to talk about, and discuss, what is openly being written about on this blog.

I always believed, that if you have ‘the faith’ what is there to fear – it would be good for me, and I am sure for others, that this was proven right.

Mark Murray

John Clark,

When you came to visit me in Rhyl – i am not sure of the year – you suggested that we talk in a cafe – we went to Bar Blu, a bar, just next to the station where we had arranged to meet.

I was very emotional and extremely tearful and upset. You were the first Verona Father that I had talked to face to face about the sexual abuse that had happened to me at Mirfield.

You promised me – and the word “promised” is the word that I know you used – that the priest who abused me, not once, but on many occasions, would never be in a position where he would be around children again. ” From now on” you said, “he would only be working with the ill and infirmed in the Comboni house in Verona.”

Do you remember saying that John Clark?

Some may have read the posts that I made last week just shortly after stumbling upon the Mirfield Blog. A message I received today from another Mirfieldien prompted me to read this petition to share experiences of sexual, physical and emotional abuse by young men; nay boys studying at Mirfield.
I ask you to forgive me if I am ineloquent in my writing this post. The source for my ineloquence was the psychological injury that arose from the physical and psychological trauma I experienced at Mirfield. As I already indicated, this stunted my academic and intellectual development, the ramifications of which I still face today.
I write to comment specifically on Paul McIntyre’s and especially upon Donald McLardy’s posts. Paul states his surprise that abuse took place at Mirfield. Specifically, he states; “I had no idea that this went on.” Donald states; “I’ve got to agree with him say that there was nothing like this during my time”! These comments do not surprise me, and I find no fault with either Paul or Donald. They simply repeat statements or beliefs voiced by an overwhelming percentage of the population. Although; I believe in recent years more people have gained some knowledge of abuse and especially sexual abuse by priests.
The problem is that abuse and especially sexual abuse are to the greatest extent possible a SECRET! Victims and I hate that terminology, are often sworn to secrecy or have been terrified by the possibility of what will happen if the reveal the secret or are afraid to spill the beans or feel guilty with their involvement or sometimes just do not realise what has been inflicted upon them. Many will not understand that, but I can only describe it as being numbed, detached, in denial or in a state of disassociation. Anyway, I think that there is actually a small number of abusers with a relatively small number of prey at a given time. Although, I have no doubt that most abusers will have a significant number of victims over time. Thus, it is a secret and goes unnoticed by the majority. In Mirfield and similar institutions abusers have the advantage of authority, control, privacy and usually a significant amount of vulnerable, compliant, scared, lonely, naïve and controllable ever changing target.
Most of us transited Mirfield in the late sixties to early seventies. I think that this was before the explosion of revelations about abuse that clearly started in the mid to late seventies. Perhaps; and I sincerely hope that Donald is correct with his statement; “I’ve got to agree with him say that there was nothing like this during my time”. However, I have my doubts. The abusers may have been shocked into curtailing or stopping their activities (although I doubt that they are capable of stopping their abusive conduct) because of the revelations and news media scrutiny or were “moved on”. I would have no confidence and no confidence in stating that none of this was happening at a specific point in time or even today (in other residential facilities).
You know; my best friend and last and best work mate took me out for dinner for my birthday last November. He was only the second person in my life that I ever told about these experiences. He surprised me when he said; “that is normal “ and “it happens to almost all boys”! I was surprised because if I understood correctly he either experienced or had knowledge of this type of abuse and what genuinely surprised me is that he is Jewish and attended Hebrew schools. Subsequently, I read or heard that males are sexually abused more than females. I think the figure was 4 out of 5 boys as opposed to 2 out of 5 girls.
To my peers, friends, fellow former seminarians who were subjected to abuse, carry the memories and scars and relive the trauma; you may be isolated, you may be or feel misunderstood, you may feel guilty, you may think or have been told you are a victim. However, you are not alone. There are people that understand you and understand or are aware (learn) what you have gone through You are not a victim, and you are not a survivor (useless psychological labels that I think will cripple you). I heard someone say; (I watch a lot of documentaries and self-improvement programming and can never remember where I hear something that I eventually reason is wise); we grow by learning from our mistakes and failures. I submit that we grow by refusing to accept life’s harsh, destructive and psychologically traumatic experiences dominate and define us. Remember the quote from U.S. Supreme Court Justice Louis Brandeis; “Sunlight is the best disinfectant”! So, if you feel stained or soiled by what was wrought upon you; expose it to the light!
Finally, Paul and Donald remind us that although some of us had extremely painful experiences at Mirfield that there were also enjoyable experiences and happy times. There were friendships formed, a spirit of camaraderie, enjoyable and fun times and experiences. Let’s not lose sight of the happier times and enjoyable experiences. Perhaps, lets use them to counter the effects of the awful experiences.

I just found the blog on Mirfield memories. I did not see any mention of me which I found strange as I thought I was rather notorious. However, I recalled all the names mentioned. That and other things I found about Mirfield – Verona Fathers(Comboni Missionaries) brought memories flooding back. I had thought that I was the only one that went through experiences at Roehead; apparently not! However; at that time I had no reference for what happened. My father had died and some may recall that I was expelled with Michael Rumbles for really an inexplicable reason. My mother met with Fr. Frazer who was visiting with his parents who lived in Glasgow. The expulsion was changed to a suspension provided I complied with certain things upon my return to Roehead. Things continued and it was suggested that I go to Sunningdale to study for the brotherhood (hey; that’s a laugh – a few of the brothers that were there told me that they had been in the mafioso). Anyway, I survived another year of torment. I went on summer vacation and I applied within days to join the Army, Air Force and Royal Navy. I was accepted and joined the Royal Navy (I had no option but to join the forces as I had to leave without gaining any ‘O’ levels and essentially dropped out of school. Some may recall that it was impossible to find a reasonable job in the United Kingdom without ‘O’ and / or ‘A’ levels in those years).

My experiences continued in the first year in the pusser. Thereafter; I learned things but never has anyone to talk to about what had happened so I went on with my life. In later years I listened to a very notable philosopher who said what has happened in the past is in the past and cannot be changed; look to the future. And, what someone did to you, you did not agree with. They were doing their thing and you were in another place (I wish I could recall the exact words as they are so profound). Anyway; I decided that this was true and through meditation I managed to put those memories behind me and move on.

However; Mirfield had inflicted a different type of trauma that has held me back to a great extent. Before going to Mirfiled my IQ had been assessed at 205. During the events at Mirfield and Sunningdale I was failing in most subjects. Then the dropping out and absence of ‘O’ levels. I had been accepted in the RN as an Aircraft Handler (aircraft marshaller, firefighter, air traffic controller). Upon graduation from the Aircraft Handler course they told me that the job was way below what i should be doing so they assigned me to be a commanders assistant at RAF Honington working on intelligence packs and the like while they tried to figure out of they should retrain me in aircraft maintenance or as a medic. After six months they decided that they should send me aboard a ship to evaluate my abilities as a working aircraft handler. I worked as a “chockhead” for six months on the flight deck of HMS Ark Royal when they told me I was too clever and intelligent to be a “chockhead”. I was then assigned to work in Air Operations planning the ships and especially the ship’s aircraft activities. After three years they had to assign another rating into that position so they made up a position for me as ship’s liaison / visits planning. What a good number I got to plan all the recreational activities while the ship was in port; Disney world, Bush Gardens, Anheuser Busch brewery, arranging flights for those homeward bound and family visits while in foreign ports. Although pusser was good to me I decided to leave as I was really fed up with being away from home. I was assigned to the SAR at HMS Gannet (Prestwick) near my home in Easterhouse, Glasgow for my final six months. Who did I bump into there? Gerrard Duffy an oppo from Mirfield who was working as a medic.

My commanding officer tried to get me to re-engage; obtain another ‘O’ level as he thought that I was officer materiel. However; I left the Royal Navy and stumbled into the Scottish Ambulance Service as a driver / attendant. I worked at SAS in Glasgow and Kirkintilloch for five years before I decided to move to Canada with my mother and brothers in an effort to become a paramedic (did not exist in UK at that time – 1979). I got partial comparability as an ambulance officer and worked as an EMCA (Emergency Medical Care Assistant) part time and three other part time jobs while I attended the now Humber University first of all in the nights and then during the day. I graduated as the top student with a 99% average, on the deans list, summa cum laude and winner of the Ontario Ambulance Operators Association award for high academic achievement and professional leadership. I was working for a provincial ambulance service when I stumbled into becoming a manufacturer’s agent for a number of American medical product manufacturers. This presented a conflict of interest so I started working as a paramedic full time for Toronto EMS. I worked at my own company full time and as a Toronto paramedic full time. Eventually, I started to invent mostly medical products. I patented my first invention an infant / child restraint for use in ambulances and you can now find a version of it on most western ambulances.

After a bout of suicidal depression and a number of motor vehicle accidents I took early retirement in November 2009 at age 55. My mother went into cardiac arrest and was unfortunately resuscitated in December 2009. She was on life support while I tried to persuade them to remove it. She passed on in April 2010. In May 2010 I moved to Colombia, South America. The cost of living is so much lower than Canada that I could actually survive on my disability pension plus the weather is so much better and does not affect my arthritis. I continued my business as an inventor and paramedic consultant while in Colombia through the Internet. I came back up to Toronto last May (2013) to collect my six month supply of medication and expected to return there within two weeks. However, first my doctor told me that I had a heart attack while in Colombia which led to her sending me for various tests and then to the cardiologist and then to the cardiac surgeon and then bypass surgery last August 30th. While that was going on Revenue Canada (the taxman) who I had been in dispute with seized all my money and froze my bank account. So; I am stuck in Canada at this time waiting for finances to recover and also for permission from the various doctors to head south. However, I may not return to live in Colombia permanently. I may move to Belize, Chile, Peru or Costa Rica.

Thus; I was passing the time on the Internet and stumbled upon this blog. If anyone remembers me (I used to clean the college cars instead of playing football and avoided playing football or played in jeans and wellingtons or boots) and would like to communicate with me they can write to me at sirdavid@sympatico.ca.

Oh; yes, I know my written English is poor and Mrs. Delia (lilac hair) Patterson would be so disappointed, but so is life.

Besos y abrazos to all.

David Anthony Brooks

Martin Millar says:

Quite a few of us were able to attend Aidan’s funeral on Thursday. Again, an important demonstration of the importance of this blog. For the record, I saw Ambrose Mulroy, Denis Flanagan, Gus Murray, Andy Malarky, John McGovern, Kevin Degnan, Kevin Scullin, Paul Towie, Paul Felix and Mark Kennedy. Apologies if I have overlooked any other MOBsters who were there.

The service was moving and comforting, in the best Catholic tradition. But more than this, it was a joyful occasion, due in large part to Aidan’s brother Dave and his celebratory eulogy. I learned interesting things about a very full life, rich itself in humour and conveyed both vividly and sardonically by a witty story-teller. One Top Man talking about another, now sadly gone.

Thank you Sian, Ryan, Bethany, Dave and the other brother whom I didn’t meet.
Your warmth was endearing and full of love. I thought long and hard on my way back to Oxford. Love is really the only point of living. I am smiling as I finish this thinking of all the people I met and looking at Aidan’s photo.

Mick Fieldhouse informs us that Dono’s funeral will be held at the Sacred Heart in Battersea on Thursday (6th Feb) at 11.45 am. Mark and I are intending to be there , so hopefully will meet up with a few MOBs to celebrate his life.
All the best Degs